Sunday, January 31, 2010

More Than a Pretty New Face on the Fox Soccer Report?


With the departure of the much-loved Carlos Machado, the good folks at Fox Soccer Report decided to replace him. Unfortunately for Nabil Karim, who is about as captivating as a patch of moss on the northern side of a tree, Fox Soccer Channel's answer to this conundrum was to hire Lara Baldesarra.

Is she pretty? Sure. Does she know football? According to FSC, she "grew up around football" and is apparently very knowledgeable about the game. After watching her for a couple of weeks, I would have to wholeheartedly disagree. You can't call yourself a football person if you consistently mispronounce names of teams and players. Here are some of my Lara favorites: Maicon, the Lara-version of which was pronounced "MAY-Con". Malaga, pronounced "Muh-LAH-guh", according to Ms. Baldesarra. And she may possibly be the only so-called football fan in the world who refers to Jose Mourinho as "Ho-zay". Seriously? That's just three of the instances I recall from the last show I watched, err, suffered through.

As if being completely uninformed wasn't enough, she brings yet another quality to the table: she is the female equivalent of William Shatner, with over-the-top mannerisms, awkward pauses, and horrendous timing and delivery. Her play-by-play doesn’t match the on-screen action; have no doubts -- this is due to the fact that she knows JACK about football, including the players’ names. But worse than her timing is her body language; she emphasizes her narrative with break dancing-like head movements, and if I were susceptible to motion sickness, I might just have to pre-medicate myself prior to watching FSR when I know she’ll be on. At least Shatner used his timing as a means to be unique and to captivate audiences. I think the majority of Canadians are proud of Captain James T. Kirk.  I would be.  I think.

Alright, I recognize I may be responding in an over-critical manner. This girl is not all bad. At least she is better to look at than the rest of the crew (except for Terry Leigh, of course), and still has more personality than my boy Nabil. And when I find myself unabsorbed by her broadcasting, it’s either because I really, really can’t stand her hosting, or because I’m probably fantasizing about her and her female colleague together in a non-professional situation.

Regardless, folks… she is in the wrong business. If I’m watching FSC, I obviously know a little about, and love the game of football enough to pay extra for the monthly subscription. As an informed consumer, I don’t want the clueless reporting current events to me. I want the knowledgeable to do so.

I miss Carlos, and not in a gay way - even if he was a Braga fan. When Jeremy St-Louis leaves, I may just have to stop tuning in completely, as humor and witty banter on the show will cease to exist.

And so it begins...

"I fell in love with football as I would later fall in love with women: suddenly, uncritically, giving no thought to the pain it would bring."
- Nick Hornby, English Novelist

1 comment:

  1. Gotta disagree man, Lara Baldesarra is really exciting to watch, sure their is a slip here and there, but so do all the others. Jeremy StLouis doesnt slip so people like hes so amazing and professional but truth be told he is really boring as a news presenter, very dull.

    Lara Baldesarra knows soccer, she knows the game and more importantly loves the game...reading her bio, she moved from Toronto (centre of Canadian media)to go to Manitoba! Shes young and good at what she does so im assuming she coulda got a job in Toronto television doing anything but shes on a soccer show in middle of nowhere Canada because she loves soccer.

    Regardless of all that, I like Lara, others do too obviously or else she would have been canned by now...

    Carlos

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